White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
