My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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