Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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