It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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