I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
