maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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