What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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