Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
