how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
