At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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