I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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