watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
