I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
