ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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