Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
