When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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