OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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