I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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