just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
