Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
