carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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