In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
