He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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