I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
