Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
