Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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