Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
