I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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