It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Terrible idea I love it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
