ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
