well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
