those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
