I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
