Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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