community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
