fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You are a genius and a whore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
