Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
