i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
