I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
