theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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