just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
