Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
