apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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