That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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