Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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