make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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