so that wasnt chicken after all
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
