I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
