elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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