i was born a porn star she said
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
