I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
