At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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